Emotional intelligence – Are you emotionally mature?

Others, in contrast, “turn off“ their feelings as they are afraid of opening them. There exist not only pleasant feelings, but also emotions, which we feel as painful.

Emotional intelligence vs. IQ – the iceberg model

The result is that a lot of people decide only based on reasoning. Yet all of us have double thinking, one logical and the other based on what we feel. Their proportion is changeable and varies based on intensity of emotions, which affect us at the particular moment. In other words, emotion is bound to thought and vice versa, thought to emotion. IQ contributes to success factors in life only by 20 %, and 80% is under the influences of other factors. That is also the reason why a lot of managers intentionally take great pains over integrating results of emotional intelligence into their everyday decisions.

A lot of surveys show that companies that work with emotional intelligence concept are much more successful in the market, than companies, which do not pay attention to these skills of their employees.

Just take one of the most successful companies at present – GOOGLE, which, to a large extent pays attention to using EQ in their management policy. During one of the last emotional intelligence trainings, one of the participants told us, that rather his head, than his stomach thinks for him. In other words, he wanted to express that up to now, he did not perceive his feelings too clearly, and when making decisions, he obeyed his brain more.

During our training sessions, we often use an exercise, where participants present themselves to the others and thoroughly describe what they have achieved in their lives, what they are proud of and what some of the things they had not succeeded in are. You would probably be surprised, how many people have problems with this exercise in the beginning. Even the next day, some add lots of details they forgot about during their presentation. What is the reason?

An emotionally intelligent conduct means to face all feelings, both positive and upleasant, and learn to cope with them the right way. Emotional intelligence is very closely connected to how we can tune ourselves to situations we commonly get into in contact with other people and especially how we can cope with them. Emotional intelligence is not only about our own feelings, at the same time, another large area of EQ is perceiving the others´ feeling, which we commonly call empathy.

While reading this article, you may think, if feelings can be “learnt or trained“?! Of course they can. All of us are even able to handle our feelings, thus enforce or weaken, alternatively suppress them as we wish. An evidence of that are emotional traumas, and especially the fact that we can get rid of them during our life.

Emotional traumas we went through in our childhood, can be negatively projected in our life now and it is up to us, if we want them there or not. Let us look at that with a simple example: You had a great idea, told you parents about it, they did not take you seriously and paid no attention to you.

Today, you are in a similar situation, have, in your opinion, a great idea, that looks unbelievable, on your mind, and want to present it to your superior, what do you expect? (silent reflection)

Not rarely, a person expects being refused by the other, not to be taken seriously and respected. It is based on experiences acquired in childhood, and the person generally bears it through his/her whole life.

In such similar following situation, he/she will basically outwardly live through what he/she has inwardly predicted a hundred or a thousand times. Never would such a person have the chance to be successful. Looking into the history, we find out there were lots of such people, who were able to raise themselves and reach success.
Many times they were not people with IQ above average, but people, who trusted in their own feelings, who had the appropriate desire, passion, etc. Every person controls his/her own reality with the thoughts he/she indulges in all the time. That is why it is important to focus on the feelings I want to have.

Who or what causes our feelings? Many people are persuaded that they are not responsible for their feelings at all, or to a minimum extent. It is because our subconsciousness takes over many of our everyday activities, without us having to use our reasoning. That is why they cannot describe feelings and moods they are in. They often do not even understand, when their good friend or acquaintance asks directly, what they really feel. That is the evidence that they cannot get oriented in themselves and their conduct is often confused, unbalanced and aimless.

If you stay isolated from your emotions, if you do not perceive how you feel in certain situations, you will, by far, not be able to use all your skills and opportunities, which could lead you to success. Each person has a large gear of emotional equipment for his/her disposal, which can be used.

There are many types of people, who handle their emotions and feelings in all kinds of ways. Some, in the course of years, gradually close the access to their own feelings, either consciously or unconsciously. Others try to have all experiences, all emotional reactions under control.

Others react timorously and fearfully in many life situations and do not use their whole potential. The main reason of this conduct is fear. Fear is one of the basic emotions, which cause a lot of further mutations. Fortunately, it is not the only one. There is an inexhaustible choice of emotions and feelings, which influence us, in our repertoire. Thus, all of them originate in 8 basic types, some of which are positively, and some negatively oriented. WE are responsible for the emotion that is preferred by us, which “manipulates“ us! Of course, to a certain extent, past experiences and upbringing play role, but let the past be and resolve to have emotionally rich future. It is necessary to start being responsible for our feelings.

Emotionally mature person admits to a whole range of various feelings. But, he/she does not let each feeling he/she gets and which crosses his/her way, to manipulate his/her life consequently .